


"I Remember!.. Baby, Come home..."

by shesthesongmyheartsbeatingto



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Ghosts, Hollstein - Freeform, Music, carmilla x laura, everything will fall in line eventually, ghost ella henderson, jet pack blues by fall out boy, laura x carmilla, shadows of the past, the past may haunt us, unbearable heartache
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:58:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3335903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shesthesongmyheartsbeatingto/pseuds/shesthesongmyheartsbeatingto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla is gone. Laura is nothing but a shell of the person she used to be. Rain brings with it the shadows of the past and the unbearable heartache that comes with loss. Will it ever bring the light of a new day?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Remember!.. Baby, Come home...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys (: I'm alive it would seem, and back with trying to write things! This is my first work on AO3, but I have other works up on other sites. This is my first attempt at writing Hollstein, so I really hope you guys like it. It's based around Fall Out Boy's new song 'Jet Pack Blues' which I am obsessed with as of late thanks to my girlfriend :P To get a feel for this story, and to just hear an amazing song, I advise you guys to go check it out! Anyways, enough of my rambling :P

"I Remember!.. Baby, come home..."

 

Rain.

It brought with it the shadows of the past and the unbearable heartache that comes with loss.

Laura sat in her dorm room upon the window sill staring out at the pouring rain. As the water droplets raced across the pane of the window, images began to blur together and form into a larger solid picture. The familiar sting at the back of her throat made itself known before the tightening in her chest began; slowly it taking hold of her fragile body and mind, and setting off another of her episodes.

She sees Carmilla.

The beaten and bruised form of the vampire has appeared once again outside her window with the rain, and it seems to have gotten worse since the last time she has seen it. It must have been at least a week ago since it rained, so a week that Laura has gone without seeing the image of her dead friend.

The tears begin to slide past now closed eyes, and her head falls to rest upon the cold glass that slowly begins to cool her burning skin. Hazel eyes open and stare out into the yard of the campus, but the tears have blurred her vision and restrict her clear sight. Laura rubs frantically at her eyes before looking back out into the yard. The figure of Carmilla is gone, and Laura cannot take it. She slams her fists into the glass as the tears stream down her reddening cheeks, and the screams she has held back finally break through.

"I remember! Baby... Come home!" She repeats this till she is too tired to keep herself going.

Perry and LaFontaine enter her dorm room minutes after she's calmed down, and they both have frantic expressions upon their faces.

"Laura, are you alright?" LaFontaine asks, their heart beating sporadically.

Without missing a beat, Laura gives them a smile and allows herself a strong response. "I'm fine. What has you guys so wound up?"

The two redheads share a look before turning back to Laura with their eyebrows raised in a questioning manner. Perry speaks up, a pained tone to her voice, "We heard screams coming from your room. We thought you might be hurt or in some type of trouble."

"What? No.. There isn't anything wrong. That wasn't me."

"Laura, we made sure to listen. It was coming from you-"

LaFontaine cuts Perry off, "Laura, we've called your dad to come get you. This has been going on for three months now. Every time it gets worse, and every time you try to tell us the same thing. You need to get away from here. This place is only destroying you even more than you already have been."

Laura is frozen.

No. She can't go home. She can't leave Carmilla. They think she is crazy, but she isn't. Carmilla can't be dead. The vampire is obviously staying away for a reason, so that's why she only shows up when she does during the rain storms. She has to conceal herself to stay safe.

"No," Laura voices, "I can't-"

"Laura, it's for your own good," LaFontaine sighs out.

"I can't leave Carmilla! She needs me."

"Laura... Carmilla is-"

Perry cuts LaFontaine off, smacking them lightly upon the arm. "Remember the last time you said the 'd' word?" she whispers to her partner. LaF gulps and shakes their head in understanding. "Perry turns back to Laura and give her a sad smile, "Laura, hunny, Carmilla would want you to go home to your father. She's a big girl and she knows what she is doing. She's doing this for you, to keep you safe, so wouldn't you like to make it a little easier for her?"

This stops Laura's retort right in its tracks. Carmilla is doing this for her? She wants to keep her safe? "She can't be doing this all for me..."

"She is hunny. It's always been for you."

"But-"

LaFontaine interjects, "She told me to keep you safe. She told me to look after you while she was gone..." They begin to tear up, their chest tightening with the thought of Carmilla's pleads. "I'm going to do that for her. You've gotta go with your dad, Laura. It's the only way I know you will be truly safe."

Laura sighs quietly as she lets her body fall limply against the window. The tears that once spilled over her eyes now only trickled out to bead down her puffy cheeks. She thinks for a couple minutes before relenting to LaFontaine and their words. "O-okay.."

"You'll go?" LaF asks, relief in their voices.

"I'll go."

They smile before stepping forward and engulfing Laura in a hug. "Thank you. We just want you to be in good hands. Your dad will be here tomorrow afternoon to get you."

"Okay.. I guess I should get some sleep."

"Alright. We're here if you need us, dear," Perry says, a warm smile upon her face.

Laura nods her head, "Thank you, guys."

LaFontaine and Perry give Laura one last look before turning and walking out of the room. Laura walks to the door after them and closes it; her hand is trembling and shaking the knob as she does. She stands before the wooden barrier for only a few more seconds before crumpling to her knees, and allows her body to twist for her back to hit to cool wood of the door.

This was all too much for her.

Silently the tears fall and the cries squeak out. Her body vibrates beneath her trembling hands that try and hold her together - they fail at being the needed glue - she slowly falls apart in her own hands.

She falls asleep on the floor that night, succumbing to her exhausted state after only an hour of her break down. _"Carmilla"_ is the last word upon her lips.


	2. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moments and memories are what keep us alive. But is that always the case?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry if my posting isn't at a regular pace at point guys. I have school plus a job to worry about, so when I have time I try to write. I know its's not whole lot, but I hope you guys like it. I love you guys for giving this fic a shot, it means a lot (:

"Bittersweet"

 

Laura's father frustrates her to no end. Ever since he arrived at Silas to get his daughter, nothing seemed to be going on as planned and Laura didn't seem to be getting any better. Instead of being gentle and comforting as a parent should, Mark Hollis has been lecturing his daughter on how life works and why she shouldn't be acting the way she is. Laura can only sit in silence and take in his words. She doesn't dare go against him, choosing to play it safe and only respond when necessary with the appropriate "Yes, sir" or "No, sir."

She didn't expect this. She didn't expect the cold and bitter way her father was snapping out at her, nor was she ready for the anger and malice behind his graying eyes. Something inside of him was different, changed it would seem, and Laura did not like it one bit. It was absolutely terrifying. Where was the man that had held her closely every night after her mother's passing when she wouldn't stop crying?

Was she slowly losing everyone she loved? No. She wasn't going to let that happen.

***

They finally get the last of Laura's things in the SUV and it is a souring feeling. LaFontaine and Perry stand awkwardly off to the side awaiting Laura and her 'good-bye's', while Laura herself is killing time to avoid having to leave. She lingers back behind her father as they walk toward the van and allows her eyes to take in Silas University one last time, and remembers the better times to the best of her ability.

Laura sees the first day she steps foot onto the campus; her first real experience of human interaction without her father there to stop any of the evils that walked the earth. She was finally out on her own without the constant shadow of her father following her every move, and it felt amazing.

She sees the day she bumped into LaFontaine on her way to the science building. She had over slept past her alarm and was now racing to get to her Freshman biology course. Flying down the walk-way she failed to notice another body en-route, and as realization struck her it was too late. The both of them ended up on the ground in a pile of tangled limbs, but thankfully neither sustained any injury. That was the day the klutz and the science geek became best of friends.

Laura smells the cookies that Perry was baking the first night she arrived; the ones that brought her from her dorm to the don's in a dazed like state. The smell and taste of the cooking brought upon the feeling of familiarity and home, and allowed her body to be put at ease.

She remembers Carmilla, and is rushed with every memory and thought and sense of the beautiful girl. It feels as if she has been hit by a bus with the way her breath escapes her and how much weight now rests upon her chest.

Carmilla. She can't leave Carmilla. She can't leave her home, nor can she leave the people that made this place feel like her home. What would happen to LaF and Perry? What would become of Danny and Kirsch? What if Carmilla finally decided to come home...? So many questions filled her brain, but they all went without answer.

"Come on Laura, it's time to get on the road so we can make it back home in time for supper," Mark Hollis yells, breaking Laura out of her thoughts.

Everything in her vision begins to shake and blur, and Laura has no clue as to what is happening to her body. She falls to the ground, and smacks her head on the stone walk-way. Her vision begins to fuzz around the edges before everything goes completely black, and Laura falls unconscious.

***

To become entrapped in one's mind is a horrifying experience.

To have to relive every memory and moment of the girl you've come to love and rely on like the air you breathe, is what drains the very being, the soul and the fight you have left within your fragile body.

Every thing you've become, every thing you will ever be, it all revolves around a singular notion.

_To love and be loved._

***

_"Laura.."_

She shifts and grunts in response, rolling over on her side.

_"Laura.. Laura..."_

She lets out a sigh and moves her body to try and escape the sound.

_"Laura.... Laura.... Laura!"_

She shoots up from her spot on the ground. "Carmilla!"


	3. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I keep going to the river to pray. 'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain. And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away. But your ghost, the ghost of you It keeps me awake"
> 
> What if the person you see is only a ghost? And what if they aren't?
> 
> "I had to go through hell to prove I'm not insane. Had to meet the devil just to know his name"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well... I'm not dead! Just been lazy as well as pre-occupied with school and other junk. But I'm back with another chapter, so I hope you guys like it :3
> 
> P.S This chapter is inspired by the song 'Ghost' by Ella Henderson. You guys should definitely check it out!

"Ghost" 

 

Laura sits in a hospital bed for three days.

Various wires hang from her body that connect to nearby machines to monitor her vitals as well as her brain activity.

After falling to the ground and smacking her skull against the stone walk-way and falling unconscious, Laura was rushed to the hospital connected with Silas University. There, a series of examinations and tests were run in order to make sure that Laura was okay and had not suffered anything too traumatic to her brain.

There was found to be open flesh towards the base of her skull behind her left ear where the contact was made with the ground, a series of hairline fractures to the bone beneath, and cerebral hemorrhaging and swelling. Brain activity, however, was confusing doctors. The rate at which Laura's brain was sending and receiving neural responses and responding to certain internal stimuli was an astounding occurrence; even with the hemorrhaging and disruption caused to her skull.

On the outside, Laura was at rest and stoic in her looks and responses, but inside she was a live wire of poignant information - Carmilla.

***

_I keep going to the river to pray. 'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain. And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away. But your ghost, the ghost of you. It keeps me awake_

On the night of the third day it begins to rain, and hard. The wind outside howls and moans like the grief stricken cries of the dead ghosts that were left to haunt the earth after their dreadful passing. The world outside is plunged in almost complete darkness, save for the faint light of the moon that barely escapes its prison behind the clouds.

From her restless slumber, Laura is awakened and thrown into a fit of screams that echo through her room. Around her dark shadows dance across the walls, their appearance only permitted by the faint glow of the moon. The darkness inside has taken its hold on her, and Laura can't escape the demons inside. She screams and screams.

_"Carmilla..! Carmilla! I remember! Please.. Come home, Carmilla!"_

Her body writhes on the bed as she tries to pull the wires off of her, and she kicks wildly into the sheets to try and remove them completely from her. She removes every thing within a couple of minutes, and crawls off of the bed. The pain to her head knocks her off of her feet, and she is forced to crawl to her destination.

The window.

It takes time and a lot of effort to bring her body all the way across the room. Once beneath the window, Laura sits up upon her knees and reaches for the window sill that slightly juts out about five inches. With a firm grip she pulls herself up and onto her feet, but nearly falls back to all fours with the stabbing pain occurring to her head. She closes her eyes and leans herself against the wall, and allows herself to concentrate on breathing.

Once Laura has centered herself, she grants herself sight once again and looks out the window. She sees the rain as it falls in sheets in the faint light of the night. She sees the many water droplets that race across the window pane and scatter with the blowing wind. She sees the darkness that consumes the night, and she lets out a strangled sob.

_Where is Carmilla.._

Dirty blonde locks of hair fall over her face as she lets her head come to rest against the cool glass of the window. It soothes her burning skin if only for a little while, and slowly gathers fog with the heat of her panted breaths. She raises her right hand to the glass and writes out shakily the name of Carmilla. Maybe she could coax her out and let her know she was there and alright.

As she moves to look around the fogged glass, the sound of an opening door startles her. Laura whips her head around to see a couple of nurses as well as her father in frantic states. With the movement, Laura finds herself light headed and falling towards the ground. She sticks out her arms just in time to catch her fall and grunts with the impact. Within seconds the nurses and her father are by her side and helping her up and back to her bed.

"What were you doing up, Laura? You could of hurt yourself even more than you already are," Mark said, his heart beating a bit faster than normal.

"I-I was tired of just sitting in this bed," Laura lied.

"We heard from some nurses that they heard screaming coming from here, something about Carmella? Carmilla? Is this what LaFontaine was worried about that she had to have me come get you?"

"I don't know what-"

Mark cuts his daughter off, "Don't play dumb with me Laura. Is this what she was speaking on?"

Laura bites her lip and looks to her intertwined hands. She can feel the bile rising and the tears coming to the rim of her eyes. "I- They just didn't know how to handle it. They thought I couldn't handle myself and that something was wrong with me!" She begins to cry, "There isn't anything wrong with me! Carmilla is alive, I know she is!"

Mark just stares at his daughter. He begins to remember back to after his wife's death when Laura was only five years old, and he had gone almost crazy. He thought he could see his dead wife in every thing and anything he came across. Nothing could make him see otherwise until his friends finally brought him to a mental health clinic where he stayed for almost two months gaining back his life. Laura had stayed with his mother for that small amount of time, and she seemed to have gotten better without his crazy talk.

But now- now the tables were turned.

"Laura.. You need help."


	4. I Hear You Calling In The Dead Of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The voices in our heads are hard to be quelled. They wedge themselves in so that they can never be fully removed. But we must fight them and win out. They will not take hold and drag us down, no matter how much they want us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys! I'm so sorry for such a long wait of an update. I've just gotten lazy and started putting off writing because I do that a lot. I've put forth some effort and written you guys a nice new chapter though! In school might I add because AP Music Theory is very boring when your teacher doesn't do much but go on and on and not teach you much :P So here ya go!
> 
> P.S. The name of the chapter is inspired by some lyrics from the song 'Overjoyed' by Bastille, which I am very obsessed with at the moment heh. You guys should check it out!
> 
> P.S.S. There is mention of suicide and it could be a possible trigger.

"I Hear You Calling In The Dead Of Night"

 

It has been two and a half months since Laura started seeing her therapist, and so far things seem to have gotten better for her. That's what everyone thinks at least.

Laura has been faking a smile everyday now for at least three weeks in hopes to escape the daily visits to her father's ex therapist, Sarah. She has even gone as far as interacting with people on occasion to make it seem like she was truly healing and getting better to please her father.

Today isn't any different - except for the fact that when Laura asks to stop seeing Sarah, her father finally agrees and with a warm smile.

***

She had been awakened by one of her reoccurring nightmares that centered around Carmilla, and it only fueled the flames that licked inside her mind and burned her from the inside out. Laura wanted to scream with all the agonizing thoughts and memories that took ransom of her mind with no relent.

Why was she so distraught over a girl that probably didn't even give two shits about her pathetic existence? Of all the people she had to care about and fall for, it had to be that stupid broody vampire.

Laying in the comfort of her bed Laura sighed not wanting to get up. Most days were like this. The pull to give up and just sleep the day away grew stronger as the days drew longer, and it was more and more tempting to allow herself to fall completely in on herself.

_'It's not like anyone really cares whether or not you can come out of this and repair the damage done to your heart. All that matters is making it look as if they did something good for their "friend" or "daughter", and making themselves feel like they have accomplished something of good deed. It's all about them, not you.'_

_'Why don't you just take that small step and erase your life out of this world, just like she had? Wouldn't that make everyone else's life so much easier? They wouldn't have to deal with your problems, and this would all be done and over with.'_

_'Pathetic. That's what you are. You were nothing before her, and you're nothing without her. There isn't a point to any of this. No one cares. Not about this, not about your life, and not about you.'_

These were a few of many chants that the voice inside her head spat out viciously at her, and it only wedged itself in deeper as Laura began to believe every word it let out.

Of course they really didn't care. LaFontaine and Perry had never been too fond of the mysterious girl, especially with her being the Dean's vampire slave and Laura being her almost target. And now that Laura cared for the girl, why should they care about her? Why care for the girl that has fallen for the enemy?

She could make it all go away. Do what the voice said and erase herself from the whole equation. Probably no one would notice...

No.

Her mind had to try and fight the onslaught of hatred that the voice produced. She had to think. She had to think clearly and efficiently.

LaFontaine had told her that she wanted to do something for Carmilla, and that she did like the girl. Perry had also let it be known that she too was fond of Carmilla. And they both had given up a lot of their time to help her try to get better, but never forced her to do anything she didn't like.That didn't look like people who didn't care. They cared and they were doing their best to help in whatever ways they could.

Mark, in his own ways, was trying to help as well. He had been in his daughter's shoes at one time once his wife had passed away all those years ago, and he had pushed everyone away which left for no help or comfort of any kind. Laura hadn't really pushed anyone away, but he knew that she had to feel so very alone and helpless. No one knew exactly what she was going through and how she felt. So he was going to be there for her, at least for her to know that she had someone if she needed that shoulder or encouragement to move forward.

And Laura recognized his efforts. She was grateful that he had finally showed her something other than that cold bitterness that always made her shrink away in fear of making things worse, for not only her but the people around them. Mark was giving her what a father should give his daughter- attention, warmth, love. And she didn't know just how much she missed all of that until finally thinking about it now.

They all cared. That voice was wrong. They wanted her to get better, they needed her to. She needed herself to.

But...

_Carmilla..._

How could she leave her in the past? How could she wipe away the girl that stained her heart with everything that she was, and move on? She couldn't. It just wasn't an option. So how was she going to get better, when the root of the problem was Carmilla herself?

***

She runs and runs. The crunching of leaves and snapping of twigs beneath her feet are the only audible noises that break through to her ears beside the hammering of her heart, the blood rushing beneath her skin, and the piercing screams that fill the midnight air.

She shouldn't have gone off. That was a stupid mistake. Every time she does leave, her cries and screams start back up. And it tears into her already mangled heart deeper and deeper every single time.

So. Much. Regret. Guilt. Pain.

To destroy one is to destroy the other. If Laura was suffering, it was only justly fair that she felt every bit if not more of what she was inflicting on the poor girl. But it had to be done. She wasn't any good. Not for the world, and definitely not for Laura.

_"I hear you calling in the dead of night... and it's always my poisoned name on your sweet innocent tongue..."_


End file.
